Divorce Counseling & Therapy: Best Worksheets & Techniques

Couples often attend relationship counseling when they are trying to save their marriage.

If they can’t fix the relationship, or one or both partners have nothing left to give, they may decide to go their separate ways.

A divorce may be the last resort and final shared act for couples who no longer wish to stay with one another.

Counseling can help transition couples through this painful process, even when previous therapy has proven unsuccessful (Brown, 2022).

This article explores what clients can expect from divorce counseling and introduces techniques, questions, and worksheets that can help manage the psychological and practical aspects of their separation.

Before you continue reading, we thought you might like to download our three Grief Exercises [PDF] for free. These science-based tools will help you move yourself or others through grief in a compassionate way.

This Article Contains:

• What Are Divorce Counseling & Therapy?
• Helping Clients Cope With Divorce: 4 Techniques
• 10 Questions to Ask Your Clients in Therapy
• 10 Helpful Coping Skills to Teach Clients
• 6 Best Worksheets & Workbooks for Adults
• Useful Activities for Your Sessions
• Top 2 Books for Divorce Counselors
• Grief and Loss Resources From PositivePsychology.com
• A Take-Home Message
• References

What Are Divorce Counseling & Therapy?

Even when divorce is the best or only option for a couple, it is likely to be a painful process. Both partners will inevitably experience a mixture of feelings, including upset, emotional loss, regret, anger, and even relief, that may lead to a fraught relationship, potentially including (Brown, 2022):

• Repeated and volatile arguments
• Failure to agree on important matters, including finances, where to live, custody, and parental responsibilities
• Lack of communication or frequent misunderstandings
• Shared worries about the impact of the divorce on the children
• Concerns about how to navigate social situations and communicate what is happening to others

Support is available, offering hope for couples trying to cope with a tough time in their lives.

Divorce counseling and therapy can help in several ways, including (Schneider, 2020):

• Offering guidance on sharing news of the decision with children and family
• Helping divide assets and belongings
• Helping reach an agreement on child custody and how best to share parental responsibilities
• Providing the opportunity to bring in children to discuss what is happening and talk about their fears and concerns
• Talking through regrets and remorse about the relationship ending and unfulfilled hopes and dreams
• Creating a foundation upon which post-divorce interactions can exist respectfully and cooperatively, especially when children are concerned
• Making the divorce process more affordable by reaching mutually acceptable agreements early on, avoiding drawn-out legal battles
• Providing a good model for the children regarding how to handle the separation
• Offering emotional support surrounding the grief associated with the end of the relationship, love, support, and related hopes

Helping Clients Cope With Divorce: 4 Techniques

Coping with divorce is not easy – for anyone.

There are counseling approaches and techniques that can help make the process more manageable, especially when things get complicated between partners.

Try working through the following points and techniques with your clients (Smith, 2021; Marriage.com, n.d.):

• Manage your behavior, not theirs
  Emotions and tempers can run high during a divorce, leading people to act in ways that may not represent how they truly feel. Whether the other person is being difficult on purpose or as a by-product of feeling hurt, try not to treat them as they are treating you. Otherwise, you are at risk of escalating the situation, ending in a standoff.

Remember that you are not in control of how the other person feels or acts, but you can choose how to behave and respond. Sometimes taking time out can save you from a hasty response that you may regret.

• Expect the unexpected
  You may feel that you know your partner completely and can anticipate how they will react to this challenging situation; however, you are in uncharted territory. Hurt and feelings of betrayal can cause people to act in unpredictable and surprising ways.

Before meeting to discuss an important point, take time to think about what you are really hoping for out of the conversation. Note down some points on paper or write them a letter beforehand, explaining what you would like and how the other person’s wellbeing and happiness are equally important.

• Prioritize forgiveness
  A divorce can result from one or both partners hurting the other by doing (or not doing) something. As a result, it can be hard to forgive. And yet forgiveness is crucial to moving forward. At some point, you are likely to want to start a new relationship; bringing existing anger will add additional strain and mistrust to something that could be very good for you.

Showing forgiveness is not easy. It is a process that will take time and effort and yet will create a more positive future. Equally, asking for forgiveness for your wrongdoings (actual or perceived) and showing vulnerability can build trust (Brown, 2015).

• Focusing on a brighter future
  The divorce process can seem like a dark and hurtful place. It is vital to remember that one or both parties hopes to leave behind a marriage that has failed for a brighter future, either alone or with someone else.

Imagining a happier future can help see you through this upsetting time. Take time to visualize how you see your future life in three months, six months, or a year from now. What positives are you looking for? What could life be like in a new physical or emotional setting?

Take these thoughts with you while discussing difficult subjects to remind you that coming to an agreement now will improve your chance of a more settled future.

Download 3 Grief & Bereavement Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you or your clients with tools to process grief and move forward after experiencing loss.